More C words
Been battlling illness for 3 days now, so I’m in a contemtious mood.
Careers- A has a career, as a pilot. Prior to that, he had a career as an engineer. I have no career. I don’t want one. Once, when I graduated from college, I had dreams, I had aspirations, I was going to make a difference. Then, I had a child and my priorities shifted. I wasn’t content to spend hours upon hours working, spending weekends and weekdays working. I downshifted to a job. Something that pays the bills, gives me time off when I need it, doesn’t leave me exhausted in the evening and has very little upward mobility. As much as I am rooting for A to climb that ladder to success, I am content to stand at the bottom and cheer him on. I have no regrets that I am an overqualified secretary who has time to stop off at the playground on the way home from school.
Complaining- Why do pilots complain about the lack of commutable routes? Is the company required to build routes that are easy for commuters? Probably not. They do it because they know it helps, but they aren’t required to. YOU are the one who chose to live out of base. So deal with your decision and don’t complain about the lack of commutable lines month after month. I know commuting is hard, we do it too- and farther than a lot of people. But, we chose to do it so we have no reason to complain. I have compassion for people who have less than ideal situations due to commuting, but only so much.
Consideration- On our last trip, Kidzilla and I met a Captain who was really nice. He invited us to board early, let Kidzilla sit in the cockpit and told him all kinds of stuff. It was really nice of him to take a little time out of his prepwork to do that. Kidzilla told EVERYONE how he got to fly the plane. I had A put a small note in the CA’s file to say thanks. A little consideration goes a long way. I’ve heard of other crew who aren’t quite so considerate to others. Althought they seem to be in the minority, there are those who have the “I earned the seniority, so I can tromp all over you” mentality. Stealing trips, taking base trades and taking all the commutable trips when doing TDY (temporary duty at another base, for which you receive extra pay and perks) are some of the things I’ve heard. I can only hope that Karma comes around to get them in the end. What happened to the Golden Rule? Or just not being a dick?
Comedy- On his last trip, A was with a Captain who was lots of fun. Made the trip that much more fun to be on. At one point, as passengers were boarding, they had a big USA map unfolded and were jokingly mapping out a route to their next destination (”OK, if we follow I40 as far as Tulsa and then turn north…”). I appreciate crews who make the effort to make the trip fun.
Children- I’m curious to hear from other parents on this one. A few weeks ago I posted about the cycle that I go through during A’s absences. I’m trying to figure out if Kidzilla goes though his own cycle every time Dad leaves or if its all in my head. I can tell that it’s hard for Kidzilla to go from having 100% of Mom’s attention to having to share it with A- he tends to interrupt more and is more demanding of my attention when A is home. While he is excited to see A, we think he gets more competitive when A is home. He’s only 5, I don’t think he does it on purpose. Usually, the day after A leaves, he wants to do something special with just us- go swimming, go out to dinner, that kind of thing where he can be reassured that he still has Mama’s attention. I asked his teacher to look out for whether there seem to be patterns of misbehavior at school, but it’s too early to tell yet. So tell me- how do your kids react to a parent being gone frequently?
A’s coming home for 2 weekends in a row. We’re looking forward to getting out and about now that fall is starting and the weather is starting to cool. I just hope that I am feeling better soon. And that next month’s bid is as good to us as this month’s was.
4 Comments
- MSFlyerswife replied:
Great post. No whining here, but we’re not going to be commuting until October….My kids are younger so it’s probably a little different. 2 and 4 years and when Dad is gone, at first they really miss him. They ask where he is when they wake up in the morning. They ask if he’s coming home when I pick them up from preschool. I really have to work hard to keep them occupied so they don’t get stir crazy not having their daddy around to wrestle with, play ball outside, etc. This summer we did a LOT of swimming to help wear them out in the afternoons. This fall we’ll probably be at the park. As Dad’s trip wears on, we work our way into a routine and yes, they do misbehave more for me than they do for their dad. I’m just not the disciplinarian he is. By the time dad comes home, I’m usually ready to pull my hair out. I need to change that but I think up until now, I’ve just been too lazy to be the one to use “time out” all the time on my two year old. Now that he’s deep into the terrible twos, I’m just going to have to suck it up and be the meany. After Dad gets home from a long trip, my kids act like real mamas boys at first for a while: it changes after about a day or two though and they’re okay with me going to play tennis, etc. while they’re at home with Dad. I’d be interested to hear from moms who’ve been pilots wives and moms longer than I have. Get well soon!
September 6th, 2007 at 12:58 pm. Permalink.
- Melanie replied:
Mitch is still a little young for me to notice big changes with his behavior. The day Lark leaves he always puts his little hands up and ask where dad? After I tell him he is at work flying planes he is ok. For the remaining 4 days Lark is gone every time Mitch sees an airplane in the sky he points up and says “Da, apane, vroom!” Yea he is 2 and his vocabulary is short!!! Love it though! He seems to be doing really good with it. I think him growing up with it will make it easier for him. He does REALLY cling to ME when Lark is gone though.
September 7th, 2007 at 4:22 am. Permalink.
- Jane replied:
Wow! Glad I found this blog! I too am the wife of a pilot who has just finished training with a larger carrier. We have a 7 week old and an-almost-4 year old. Unfortunately hubby’s training started 8 weeks ago (yes, do the math and he left 1 week before our son was born!) , so the kids and I have been on our own for that time. Life is difficult, but we’re managing pretty well. I love reading the blog- I can relate to lots of things! I’ll be a returning reader…
September 9th, 2007 at 6:32 pm. Permalink.
- pam replied:
We’ve been on vacation, so I’m just catching up here….
I have b/g twins who are 4 and DH started with XJT last May, so we’ve been going through similar adjustments to what you describe in the last year and few months.
DH commutes from MD to EWR (about a 4 hour drive) so he typically leaves in the middle of the night. I really DREAD the first morning. Both kids wake up and say (as pathetically as possible) “Where’s Daddy?” We have found it better not to say that he is leaving as we are putting them to bed for obvious reasons. I explain that he had to go to work and he will be back in # days and from the girl I get hysterical tears for an undefined period of time, from the boy I get whining for about 5, maybe 10 minutes and then he’s done. Eventually, the day goes on without incident…..until BEDTIME. Then I get the “I can’t sleep without Daddy” or “I want to leave Daddy a message” (mind you we talk to him EVERY DAY while he is gone - at least once, sometime it was like 5 minutes ago - COME ON!) I go crazy re-arranging my schedule to make sure that this happens - NO MATTER WHAT. They even have a chart on their doors with clouds numbered 1 through 4 and then a house. There is an airplane attached via velcro that we move from one cloud to the next each night so that they can visualize when he is coming home. While he is gone, they are smart enough to use the “but Daddy lets me” or “Daddy does this” card, so when they misbehave, it is hard for me to blame it on being 4 and not on getting back at me for Daddy being at work. The latest thing to break my heart has been “the wish” which has happened in 2 separate incidents. We were at a local mall recently and they asked me for a coin to make a wish in the fountain. Happily I obliged, only to hear (not just from one, but from both, simultaneously) “I wish Daddy would come home now and did not have to go back to work.” The second time was on our recent vacation. My son through a penny he found into the pool at the beach house we were renting and said VERBATUM “I wish Mommy would go back to work, but not Daddy” NICE! Anyway - its so fun being a Mom - isnt’ it??September 14th, 2007 at 5:58 pm. Permalink.