Lost and Found- the lost
I am usually an optimist to the nth degree. But sometimes, I just lose my groove and it leaves me floundering. It’s been one of those weeks. It’s the middle of our 3 week work spurt, I’ve been filled with anxiety about some past life issues, and we are unsettled with where we are headed next. He’s gone all the time, I’m tired of taking the kid to the playground alone and for goodness sake, when am I going to get pregnant already? Is this really my life? Is this really what I want? Can I deal with this for the next 20 years? I wonder if I’ve already lost some of my enchantment for this.
I am reminded of when I was an exchange student and the phases of cultural adjustment that they taught us about. Getting into this aviation lifestyle is definitely an adjustment, one that it’s hard to prep for. We’ve definitely made it through the honeymoon phase, where everything was bright and shiny new and are heading into the culture shock phase. Although there are still a lot of things we have yet to experience (like holding a line, fingers crossed for Nov.), we’ve settled into our routine. I feel like we are hovering somewhere between culture shock and adjustment.
 This weekend, A wasn’t able to get home until Sunday afternoon and had to turn around and leave on monday afternoon. The commute both ways was a nightmare for him (and then he got called for ARC and had to go spend MORE time sitting in an airport). Monday morning I realized that I felt like I had spent the entire weekend waiting for my weekend to start when he got home. Then, heading into work, I was feeling like- where’d my weekend go? Lost, to his job I guess.
 A friend that I met through aviation moved away recently, her husband took a job and they moved closer to family. I miss her. I realized that I relied on her more than I thought. I wonder if I’m going to become callous toward making friends with other pilot wives when I know that eventually they are going to move away. I’m not sure I want to go through the emotional work of making friends and the ensuing drama when they leave. Yes, we can keep in touch, but losing a friend you relied on to keep you occupied when you were alone, who took classes with you b/c you didn’t want to go alone, who you could call on at the last minute when you have car trouble is really hard. Going to have to get used to the lost friendships and opportunities, caused by the job.
We have our break of 8 days off coming up in just 4 more days. Hopefully some time away from the routine and the jolt of planning the next phase of our lives together will help us both find our lost enthusiam.
Lost and Found- the found
I’ve been moping around for a few days now, composing a new blog entry about how sometimes Pollyanna leaves the building and Cranky K moves in instead. Then, yesterday, as I was playing around in the admin of this blog looking for a fix for something I discovered something new to distract me- Referrers.
Basically, it’s a list of websites that led people to my blog. It includes a mostly the standards I would expect- forums where I have my blog linked in my signature and other blogs I am linked to. But also a surprising number of google, msn and other searches that have led to my blog. Random samplings include: life as a pilot in the reserves, pilots away wife home, failing pilot IOE, can a pilot come home every day, wife jealous jetsetting husband (was I looking for myself here? Oh wait, does a Fresno-Bakersfield-San Diego trip count as jetsetting?), Expressjet pilot uniform, and a whole slew of combinations of pilot, wife/wives, life, and married.
For some reason the naughty feeling of snooping on other people (don’t worry, I have no idea who did what search) has completely brightened my day.
 BTW, I never did find my fix, so if anyone who is good with wordpress can tell me how  my archives to display by year, I’d appreciate it…
Snicker worthy
“In the event of a water landing feel free to fight the flight attendant for survival”
 Found on seatback in 19B by my favorite JetFO.
Refining the flight plan
A and I have been living the pilot family life for a few months now and with the new month, I’ve got a new urge to get our life back into a normal pattern. It might be the changing of the leaves or the new fall weather we are having, but suddenly I’m itching to get us into a new routine. I think we’ve passed though the chaotic, we’re just getting used to this, adjustment phase. My goals for the month are to find a workable weekly schedule for Kidzilla and me (shopping on thursday, errands on wednesday…) and to get done all those nagging chores (ordering new contacts, signing up at the YMCA) that have gone undone for several months due to apathy. Hopefully this will keep our household running smoothly and stress to the minimum.
A has his own tasks to keep our household running smoothly. After all, if he is part of the family, then he needs to pitch in. Thanks to the internet, he can take care of paying our bills, monitoring our investments and keep up with the housing market while he’s sitting on reserve. Once he’s off of reserve, we might have to readjust, but for now, it works. Is it too much to expect that he contribute when he’s around? I don’t think so, after all, I work a 40 hour job as well.
I was thinking the other day, of some little things he could do for me while on the road- sending postcards occasionally, bringing me home things. Then I tried to think about what I did for him and the list was woefully inadequate. I can’t send him things to be waiting for him at his hotel, there is never enough lead time. He packs his suitcase after I’ve already left for the day, so I can’t slip a surprise in there. So I’m working on coming up with some new ideas. It’s not fair for me to ask for small treats when I don’t also give them.
 We’re just getting into our 3 weeks of misery preceeding our fabulous time off block. I’m expecting to see A for only 2 nights in an 18 day stretch. It will be nice to have him home and I know he is willing to come, but I’m wondering if the cross country flight effort will not be worth the payoff of being home for just one night. Usually those single days end up fraught with arguing and guilt for not spending a perfect day together. We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.